oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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