You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
