I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
