I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am available for nakedness
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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