definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
