I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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