I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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