Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
