I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
