i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
