May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
