I am full of burrito and curiosity
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
