Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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