walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
