You're my little dorito
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
