trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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