I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
