Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
