TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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