he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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