and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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