after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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