I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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