dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
