One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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