Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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