I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize