just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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