The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
