That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
