I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
