You're so nebulous sometimes
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
