I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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