Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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