You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did I show you my penis last night?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
