I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
