i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
