Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
