i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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