You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
