Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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