dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was confusing and full of hummus
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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