Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
