I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
