Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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