She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Someone signed my nipple.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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