Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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