**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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