dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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