I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
