waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
