Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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