I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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