I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
