We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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