Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
