i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
