Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
