So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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