Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
