He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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