Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
