Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
