at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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