and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
