My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
