mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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