I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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