I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
