She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
