I wish I only lived at night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
