There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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